October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I need to be better about self exams, how about you?
I have zero motivation for swimming laps today. Luckily I don't have to leave the house for a couple hours. By then I will have convinced myself it is an amazing treat to be able to do such a thing.
Because my body loves to play mind games with me I gained 2.5 pounds last week. All that swimming, cutting down on the food and wine, increased water consumption and I actually gained weight. It happens every time I begin an exercise program or diet. I have done too much damage to my body throughout the years to have it believe it's not supposed to go immediately into starvation mode. No worries though, I always outlast this phase.
I caught the Robin Williams interview with Diane Sawyer this morning. I love that man. Just love. So much talent but even more honesty.
SoccerGirl ended up spending Saturday night and all day Sunday here. At 4:00 AM I woke to hear her coughing, and coughing, and coughing, and coughing. I laid there I'm thinking, "should I get up and get her some water? what about some cough medicine? ... but she's allergic to so many meds, will she get up, wake Youngest Son to wake me? she's not my kid, what is the proper thing to do?" I finally got up, went downstairs to get her a bottle of water, woke YS who said she has cough meds with her, grabbed a spoon and headed back upstairs to help her out. She was pathetic, all crumpled up on the bed coughing her little brains out. I gave her the water, asked her if she had her medicine which she didn't. Luckily I had some cough medicine in the house which I usually don't because we don't get sick often. I got the medicine, came back and tried to give her the spoon and meds bottle. She shook her little head and croaked, "I can't, I'll spill." I felt a little silly but a lot motherly as I poured the dosage out into the spoon and put the spoon into her mouth. In that moment I realized how young she actually is and my heart softened a little bit toward her (for the pain she's causing YS). Okay, a little more than a little bit.
This morning I asked YS if they were back together. He said no but they're working on it. Ummm.
Speaking of Saturday night, Hubby and I had a quiet evening at home which is a first since ... probably the beginning of April and I went to bed on the early side. I don't know if it was just exhaustion from the summer or the week of swimming catching up to me but my night was filled with nightmares. Not the stalker-gonna-get-you, run! type. The someone is hurting a child or animal in front of me kind. Cruelty that make me RAGE. Why, why have those kinds of dreams? I kept waking up and telling myself to knock it off, but it didn't work.
I told Hubby about it on Sunday morning and he said it was because we had watched last Thursday's Tivo'd Survivor before I went to bed and even though I closed my eyes and plugged my ears (yes, I actually do these things) there were some really unpleasant hunting scenes. He thinks it was enough to set me off. He's probably right.
After I took care of SoccerGirl at 4:00 I gave up on sleep and had some quiet mental time (meditation, prayer, deep thoughts, whatever you want to call it). That's almost as good as sleep for me.
Oldest Son called me at least ten times during the day on Sunday. He is adjusting to college life and realizing his decisions have adult consequences. He is beginning to cope with the knowledge that even though some people have been your friends since childhood, they may not be the right people to associate yourself with as an adult.
It is a really hard lesson to learn. Plus he has the worst luck in the world, if someone's going to make a mistake and get caught, he will be there. He always seems to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. He thinks it's meant to be so he can support his friends during hard times. I don't disagree however I have pointed out and he's finally seeing it, he needs to be careful what situations he finds himself in and with whom he is associated. He wants to be a high school English teacher, he wants to qualify for certain very competitive programs at college and he wants to make good impressions wherever he goes. He cannot do that if he surrounds himself with people who are more caught up in drama (be it emotional or chemical-based).
He comes by it honestly, I'm drawn to those individuals also. This weekend's situation almost landed him in massive trouble but it was shocking enough to wake him up. Hopefully the lesson has been learned and a new approach can be committed to.
No one said adulthood was easy.