Lying awake at O-dark-early this morning I created a plan to go back to bed, bringing the pooches with me, after Hubby left for work and the kids left for school. Unfortunately, a certain adult male rubbed my spirit the wrong way this morning and irritated me enough to chase away those sleep-deprived relief plans. And SoccerGirl stayed home from school today.
Yep, you read that right, she's pretty much living here. Over the last month she's been here more than her own house, for days and weeks on end. I know things will change when Patty, her mom, can get her own place but for now SG is here. I love and care for her but it is a little awkward at times, especially for Oldest Son. He feels like he doesn't have his own place where he can "walk around in my boxers, damnit." I resisted telling him - Dude, I don't want to see you walking around in your holey, old boxers anyway.
If SG is going to be staying here much longer I will need to set some rules - like not cooking up a supper at 11:15 PM. That's probably why her stomach got so messed up last night and she needed to skip school today. Not to mention the steady mess three teenagers can create and then add a few friends into the mix. No one seems to believe they are responsible for picking up their nasty clothes, used plates and empty water bottles. It's getting a wee bit old. But nothing I cannot handle, I need to just do it.
This was left at Cam's MySpace site:
Hey cam. I dont know if they have computers in heaven but i hope you get all of our messages. You know we always loved you man. We'll always miss you. I wish you could see all of the people today, we all care about you and we couldnt focus on anything but the loss of your life. Cam, please help Nelly. No one wants to see him like he is now. We miss you Cam and we dont want to lose anyone else. Please watch over our school, i know you will. We love you Cam.
This really shows how young these kids are, doesn't it? What a heart breaking shame.
The paper had more to report today. As I've said pieces of the true timeline are slipping out and it's just not going to be pretty. The kids all know what went on that night and the authorities are learning about it. If what I believe is true and the parents of "the party house" did serve up liquor that night (like they do so often), I hope all hell falls upon their shoulders and souls. And thank God SoccerGirl was here that night - that's been her crew of friends since she and Youngest Son stopped dating steadily. She's driven around and hung out with all the kids involved. Patty was mighty happy to know SG had come home after work on Saturday and slept here.
The calling hours will be on Friday night and the funeral on Saturday. The burial will be private, as I believe it should be. Those family members need time to quietly say goodbye.
As you can imagine I've been speaking with Oldest Son about his hours lately. He is out on the road a lot, late. He's also 19 years old, not quite an adult but not a child any longer. He gets impatient with me because I don't sleep until he gets home. He considers getting home at 3:00 AM "early." The night of the accident he didn't stroll in until after 4:00 AM. I had dosed off but woke when I heard him come in and fix himself dinner leftovers in the microwave. His noise and Hubby's stuffy nose induced snores helped me begin my day very early.
I tried to explain to him this accident was just the sort of thing I dreaded and what kept me up at night waiting for him. He said something perfectly logical that took a bit of wind out of my sails, "Mom, you even said with the road conditions it could have happened in the middle of the day. Besides, you being awake would not have stopped me from crashing and dying if I had been the one on that road." He's so right. I know where he is 99.9% of the time. He and his girlfriend hang out either here (that's when I can sleep) or at her house, watching movies and falling asleep. When he wakes, he gets himself together and comes home. All casual-like. He's not outrageous by any means. I just worry. But I worry with his commute back and forth to college too.
I am a worry-wart. That's such an ugly description. Let's just say, I'm a Mama, like so many of you. I have to trust him, God and the fact we have raised a good kid. I have to trust we would have enough strength to go on if something horrible happened.
Selfishly, I'm so glad I don't have to think about these things every day. I cannot imagine what those three families are going through having to plan their loved ones final ceremonies. How do people find the strength?
I hear SoccerGirl moving around upstairs. I think I'll go check to see if she needs something to eat or drink and then get on with house chores. Normalcy is a good thing.